That Dreaded "S" Word: Submission

Welcome back to another week’s installment of the JCM blog! First off, I want to say I'm so thankful for the support you all gave me just from this past week. I also want to reiterate that comments, likes, conversations, and even disagreements are welcome on this page. The goal is to continually grow in biblical wisdom and edifying one another.

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If you returned to my site after last week’s blog, you know I don’t shy away from controversial topics or culturally hot takes. And thinking ahead to future articles, I realize I can’t convey all those messages until I address two very big issues.

-- 1) A women’s role as a wife and 2) the gender equality conversation. --

My belief on these issues is the foundation for every other topic that will be covered on this blog. Gender equality and spousal roles are tightly woven together, but I believe they deserve separate posts. Part 2 on gender equality, will be shared next week.

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We can all agree that this world is full of white noise. There are always loud people trying to shout their message. The loudness can often be deafening and cause insecurity in our moral beliefs. “Maybe I’m wrong, I’m unloving, I am mistreated, I’m being used,” and the list goes on of thoughts Christians believe when they’re told their worldview is wrong. That’s the goal of the secular world. If they make us shaky on our beliefs, no one can point out their own immortality.

The best way to rock the Christian foundation is to disrupt the marriage. And the best way to disrupt the marriage is to introduce the power and control fallacy. To be more specific, the topic of the submissive wife.

When you hear submissive wife, what’s your knee-jerk reaction? Do feelings of defiance stir up, or do words like antiquated, sexist, or inequality come to mind? If so, ask yourself, does my association with a submissive wife only go as far as my gender? The answer to that question will most likely determine whether submission means a lower ranking than the husband or a critical role in a healthy marriage.

Curious, I asked ChatGTP if wives should be submissive to their husbands. To no surprise, it responded with a hefty paragraph about why wives should not be submissive -- and its central argument was based on gender. It went on to say that a power-dynamic marriage based on gender is not a healthy or sustainable relationship model.

I agree that just because a man is called to be the head of the household, that should not lend itself to a master/slave relationship between the husband and wife. But the sum of this cultural disagreement is that women believe they are being called “less than,” compared to their husbands. They build this picture of a wife being talked down to like a child, having to clean up after the husband, taking care of the kids, and having no voice inside the marriage.

While that might be the picture of some unhealthy marriages, that is far from a biblical union. Take a look below at Ephesians 5:22-33.

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.[a] 28 In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

As Christians, we are in constant battle against Satan. But God created marriage as the front line against spiritual warfare. When a man and woman come together, they are one and represent Christ and His church. Satan hates both, and his only way to weaken the marriage bond is to create discord among husbands and wives. And what better way than making the woman feel like she’s second best.

“Me, submit to my husband! Like he’s less flawed than I am or less arrogant. Why should I submit to him… what about him submitting to me?”

That mindset gives Satan control. The unity between the man and woman begins to wear thin. When we step into marriage, we must be aware of these lies. We are in a war, and these thoughts weaken our position. When God calls a man and woman into marriage, he assigns them specific duties. The man’s position is no more important than the women’s. Still, if each respective side fails to fulfill their task, they are open to attack.

Notice in the passage above; men are called to love their wives, and they are called to love us even when we don’t listen to their wise counsel. Their love must surpass our stubbornness, emotional peaks and valleys, and our lack of love toward them. As women, our role is to practice humility and have a heart of service. Enacting true, authentic love is much more complex than a life of submission. God called husbands to love like Christ daily. And to my sinful self, that’s a more challenging task than yielding submission.

However, both the husband and wife are called to take a secondary position in the mission of marriage. Suppose God has called a man and woman into a holy union. In that case, he has a specific task only their marriage can accomplish. As wives, we are called to be submissive. We are sub to the mission. And husbands are called to love their wives. True love is sacrificial. Godly husbands must sacrifice their desires for their wives’ honor and the overall mission’s success. Both the man and woman are equally second compared to God.

Marriage is a choice. As wives, when we enter this holy covenant, we are no longer on an individual mission. We are united and are one with our spouse. That decision to enter marriage signifies that we are willing to humble ourselves, die to our sins, and submit ourselves to not only our husbands but, ultimately, God and his plan for our life.

Submitting to one’s husband will look vastly different for each household. It’s not my place to tell you how to submit to your husband. However, I can reiterate that just as it’s the husband’s job to love us unconditionally; it’s the wife’s job to submit to her husband continually. There will be moments when he lacks Christ-like love, and submission will be increasingly difficult. However, you are not submitting to your husband because he is perfect. Ultimately, you are submitting to God and his design for your life. Submission shows obedience and service.

I challenge you to study godly submission. Retrain your brain to realize that a wife submitting to her husband has nothing to do with gender but everything about fulfilling God’s calling. Satan loves a divided church, community, and marriage. He is the father of lies and deceit. And he successfully deceives us when we believe that submission is a punishment for women. Root yourselves in Biblical truths, not culturally relevant virtues. Where there is confusion and chaos, there’s a lack of biblical obedience.